After everything people have been saying about the massacre in New Zealand, I want to get off the planet – people really suck 😥
The past two weeks have been shitful to be honest. A very sick child, petulant Gods and false accusations have taken its toll on me.
The saving grace is that I’ve had a lot of support from people in regards to the last issue. And to be honest, if not for that support, I’d probably have thrown my hands up in defeat and left my Temple. And while it wouldn’t have been ragequitting, I’d be quite entitled to feel some rage. And you know, ten years ago, I’d have not held back on my rage and let them all have it.
But, it’s not ten years ago and I’m just too damn tired to wade into the bullshit. However, I will say that people really need to not be so precious about their Gods and perceived slights towards the Gods. I mean, after all, they’re Gods! They don’t need us. We need Them. I mean, I understand that no one wants to hear “mean” things said about their Deity and want all the good feels but that’s just not practical or realistic. And considering UPG is a big contribut0r to my path in particular, you can’t just stomp on someone else because their UPG hurts your feelings. Nor should you invalidate their experience or accuse them of being something they’re not because they have a bad experience or express frustration or even joke about retaliation. Some people just seem to want to be offended rather than stop and consider how the other person feels. I know it’s partly due to me being older than the bunch in question, and I also think it’s due to the whole gaming and social media “thing” these days – apart from FB, Instagram and here, I don’t really “do” social media (I have a Tumblr languishing) so I’m a bit more
realistic blunt than some people would like or can deal with. But really, life isn’t lived on a chat or gaming server, no matter how much people would like that to be the case.
I guess I did wade into the bullshit there 😛 The bottom line is, I’ve found a different way to approach resolving my issue with the God in question. It’s still convoluted but I haven’t worked with this God before so maybe that’s just the way He rolls *shrugs* I’m really trying to rise above the obvious annoyance and hurt inflicted on me by both said God and fellow faith members. Granted it’s a learning curve for me, but it should also be one for them. We’ll see.
So I’ve been home sick for the past day and a half. I restrung my Aset necklace and added the Aset pendant my mother gave me at Christmas.
I did a self healing Reiki session on myself today and it was amazing. I’ll write about it later.
I’ve just become aware of no matter how much some things remain the same, a lot of things have changed. And I’m feeling particularly old when it comes to the technology used in the Temple I belong to. Or moreover, the social aspect to it. Granted, most members post-2009 have no idea who I am, what I’m like or how I fitted into HoN. And a lot probably don’t give a shit, which is entirely fair enough. Times have changed too, since I left and returned. After all, I’ve been gone nearly 10 years. Society in general has become more sensitive to the wording of pretty much everything. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that a shitload of people actively look for the worst in what people say, if they can. Now, whether this is true or not, I am speaking from my personal experience and that’s how it appears to me – and it sucks balls big time.
As a result of my experience today, I’m sticking purely to the well established, official House boards for all my interactions with fellow members who aren’t “the old guard” and know me well. I know it’s not conducive to sharing the love, but to be honest, it’s a two way street, and apart from a few people, I don’t see others in a big rush to get to know me. So…. *shrugs*
So, the Ma’ati have been making Their presence felt. The problem is that there’s not really that much out there about Them. I know that as an Aset kid, it’s not out of the ordinary for Aset and NebtHet to come to me in that form. I guess I hoped my days of homework were over LOL
Sahbet is doing the next Beginner’s Class at HoN and I’m doing it with her as a refresher. I’m really excited to see who her Parent’s is/are. I feel very connected to Netjer again after so long. I’ve made some bracelets and a choker that I can wear everyday and not be overly Kemetic (just beads, no pendants). My mother bought me a beautiful Aset pendant as a belated Christmas present. I wear it as often as possible, but the the choker I can wear even when exercising.
I’ve found that since I’ve "come home" to Netjer, things seem to be falling into place. Even when it seems impossible. I’ve found too, that Netjer has no issue with me keeping up my Buddhist practice or keeping my Jewish identity. Spiritually I belong to Netjer and that’s the most important thing – at this stage anyway. I’m nervously awaiting the day that Aset/Netjer requires more from me. I’m expecting it as it happened before and I guess realistically it’s a fair call. As long as I’m ready for it.
In the meantime, I’m focusing on making sure my Shrine is correct and I am performing Senut correctly. I’m noticing easier communication and guidance by being slower and more pedantic in my actions and intentions. It’s very rewarding and I’m so happy to be connected again.
I deactivated my “normal” FB after all the dramas I’ve had with my psycho stalkers. I feel like a massive weight has lifted off my shoulders. I would delete it entirely but I don’t want my family members on my spiritual FB as that is my solace from the world. Mind you,it wouldn’t be a problem if people still used email regularly outside of work these days. Still, it allows me to focus on the important things…. like my wedding in two days.
So our vows are sorted, the celebrant and attendees (our parents and kids) are organised and I just have to finalise my dress tonight and hair tomorrow. After the ceremony we’ll head out to lunch and relax. In January my mother will organise a party and we’ll celebrate with people we WANT there. I’m really looking forward to this.
So since I’ve decided not to shy away from my path and have been entering Shrine on a daily basis, things have gone from strength to strength.
The most noticeable thing since freeing myself is that my tarot reading and clairaudience has returned in spades. And I’ve really missed that. I’m really trusting my intuition as well and it’s yet to let me down. A former friend said to me not long before we parted company that he’d never seen me as happy or sure of myself as when I was Kemetic Orthodox. And you know, he’s right.
Aset, NebtHet, Heru-Wer and to a lesser degree Sekhmet are really involved in my life. NebtHet has stepped forward as a teacher which is really interesting. I really finding joy in lots of things again, and I really believe it’s because I’m being true to myself at last.